Thursday, June 23, 2011

Thursday's Thoughts- Stages in Life



My husband and I were having a conversation with our friend about parenthood the other night, and it made me love my husband even more.  He went on about being a Dad and how he never wants to look away for a second because he doesn't want to miss any part of his kids growing up.  He talked about how our parents are right when they said we grew up too fast.  It was so sweet to hear him talk about being a Dad and loving it so much, loving his daughter so much. 
It's amazing what being a parent and spouse changes in life.  I mean, hopefully it changes a person.  Some people could care less about their spouse or child, which is the saddest thing in the world.  (My mom is a social worker in child protection... I can't imagine dealing with parents who disregard their kids as if they were animals.  It's sick.)  But it really changes everything.  And yes, even the spouse part. 
Before I do anything, I think of my husband and children.  They come first.  Always.  This, has caused me to lose friends... can you believe it? 
This is why this post is titled, "Stages in Life."  Because it's been really hard to go through this transition when my husband and I are some of the first to do it in our group of friends.  It's a very "Thirty Something" moment when you come to realize that you're the couple talking about what color your child's poop was that day and how little sleep you got that night with your friends on your first outing for drinks where you used to talk about college life and your other friends.  
Don't get me wrong, a lot of our friends are married, getting married, or in serious relationships.  It's just that being a parent is so different.  I'm not trying to sound pretentious or like a know-it-all.  We are so thankful to have friends who support us and stand behind us in our parenthood, but we've seen some pretty brutal steps taken to end friendships because of the lack of attention one would like to receive because we are parents.  That was more on my end, I suppose I should say.  It's hard, really hard.  But I've been told it's just part of life.  It happens to everyone.  It just makes me even more thankful for the friends who are ok with me not talking to them on the phone whenever they'd like to talk, hang out whenever it is convenient for them, or go out late at night.  But rather they accomodate by going to a kid friendly coffee shop before nap time, call during naptime, and come over for dinner rather than asking to go out for drinks.  I'm not trying to make a mockery of those who haven't had kids yet, enjoy your time before you do! Really!  Do those things and enjoy it. But remember that they really mean it when they say everything changes when a person has a baby.
I mean it... most of you know it too, EVERYTHING changes in life when you have a baby.  Who you were before being a parent, even being pregnant, changes completely.  It's a funny thing.  I love the saying, "When you have a baby it's like a part of your heart is walking around outside of your body for the rest of your life."  It's true.  That's why a lot of parents find it really hard to leave their child for the first time, or for long periods of time.  They are a part of them.  And if you're anything like me, our routine is the most important thing in the world.  Mealtimes, nap time, bedtime... it all has to happen at the same time every day otherwise our lives are derailed.  Extreme?  Probably.  But if you're a parent, you know what I mean.
So, I guess there's no resolution to this part of life, it's just there, and it always will be.  Like I said, it's not about putting down those who are not parents, but it's more so just a realization that life is different now and I'm more than ok with that.  I love my family, and I really love those who stand in support of us.  Especially those who aren't in the same "place in life" as us right now.  It's nice to have that understanding and support. 
Thank you to our friends and family who love us and support who we are in our marriage and as parents.  We love you!

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